“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” Prov 4:23.
Sarah is a compassionate individual who often puts others’ needs before her own. She has a friend, Emma, who frequently turns to Sarah for support, calling her late at night with personal problems. At first, Sarah wants to be there for Emma, but over time, she begins to feel drained. She feels overwhelmed, as Emma doesn’t seem to acknowledge Sarah’s needs or give back the same kind of support.
Eventually, Sarah starts to feel frustrated, even though she genuinely wants to help. This frustration begins to weigh on her heart, impacting her emotional and spiritual well-being. She finds herself struggling with guilt, anger, and exhaustion, which causes strain in her relationship with God.
Sarah’s situation reminds us that we are stewards of our emotional and spiritual well-being. Guarding our hearts sometimes requires setting boundaries that reflect God’s truth and love. As Christians, we are called to love others as Christ loves us (John 13:34). However, loving others does not mean tolerating harmful behaviour or allowing ourselves to be mistreated. True Christian love—for both others and ourselves—includes setting healthy boundaries that protect us from repeated harm. Forgiveness is a command (Matt 6:14), but it does not mean we must tolerate ongoing harm. Forgiveness frees us from bitterness and resentment, while boundaries shield us from further abuse. By setting boundaries, we honour God’s design for relationships, promoting mutual respect, accountability, and dignity.
Boundaries are not selfish or unloving; rather, they align with the example of Jesus. While Jesus loved everyone, He also demonstrated boundaries in His life. He often withdrew from others to pray and recharge (Luke 5:16). He confronted wrongdoing directly (Matt 23:13–36). He limited His time with people who rejected His message (Matt 10:14). Jesus’ actions teach us that love and boundaries go hand in hand. Loving others does not mean exposing yourself to repeated abuse. Abuse—whether verbal, emotional, physical, or spiritual—is a sin. Setting boundaries communicates that such behaviour is unacceptable while affirming your worth as a child of God (Psa 139:14).
Failing to set boundaries can lead to spiritual and emotional harm, not just for ourselves but also for others. Allowing harmful behaviour to continue unchecked can enable sin in the other person’s life. Loving others means holding them accountable, as scripture instructs: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you” (Matt 18:15). Boundaries give others the opportunity to confront their behaviour and grow in Christ. God calls us to live in peace where possible (Rom 12:18). Boundaries create a safe space for relationships to thrive in mutual respect, free from fear or resentment. In some extreme cases, such as persistent abuse, it may even be necessary to limit or end contact.
Jesus acknowledged this reality when He referenced the law of divorce given by Moses, which was put in place because of people’s hardened hearts. He also advised His disciples to “shake the dust off your feet” when rejected or mistreated (Matt 10:14). Sometimes, creating distance can be an act of love, allowing both parties time and space for healing and change.
Use clear, respectful language when communicating your boundaries. For example, “I cannot allow you to speak to me disrespectfully. If you do, I will end the conversation” or “For this relationship to continue, I need honesty and mutual respect.” Clear communication avoids misunderstandings and reinforces your desire for a healthier dynamic. Some people, particularly those unaccustomed to boundaries, may resist or try to manipulate you into feeling guilty. Stay firm, and pray for strength. Remember God’s promise: “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Heb 13:6.
Seek God’s wisdom and peace as you navigate difficult relationships. Pray for strength to maintain your boundaries in love and truth. Christian love is not passive. It is active, intentional, and rooted in truth. By setting boundaries, you protect yourself as God’s beloved creation. You give others the opportunity to grow by addressing their harmful actions. You model healthy, God-honouring relationships that reflect His design for love and respect. The Apostle Paul reminds us: “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor 16:14). Boundaries, when set and maintained in love, are not acts of rejection but of wisdom. They safeguard your heart, honour God’s commands, and foster flourishing relationships.
If you are struggling to establish boundaries, turn to God in prayer. Ask for His guidance, wisdom, and strength. Trust that He will direct your steps as you walk in love and truth. Remember, guarding your heart is not just about self-preservation—it’s about living out God’s design for relationships that reflect His glory and love.
Author
kay.alli@legalview.co.uk