“Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.” Rom 12:10
Living in harmony often means navigating the space between expectations and reality. Building unity and joy within a church community requires us to embrace principles that nurture relationships and foster spiritual growth. Paul’s words in Romans 12:10 call us to love one another deeply and honour others above ourselves—a charge that challenges us to put others first with humility and care. A beautiful example of this principle can be found in Luke 10:38–42. In this passage, Martha is busy preparing and serving, while her sister Mary sits at Jesus’ feet, listening to Him. Martha becomes frustrated and asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her. Martha assumes Mary should know she needs help, but she hasn’t expressed this need directly. As a result, her expectations are not met. Martha expects Jesus to rebuke Mary, but instead, Jesus gently addresses her frustration. Martha wants Mary to behave a certain way—by helping her with the work—but Mary chooses to stay with Jesus, prioritising learning and listening. This difference in priorities causes Martha’s frustration.
First, it’s important to recognise that people in the church may not always agree with you on everything. The Bible acknowledges that we all have different perspectives, gifts and level of growth. In Rom 14:1-4, Paul speaks about disagreements in practices on subject not core to our faith, such as what foods to eat or whether certain days should be observed. In the story of Martha and Mary, Jesus does not agree with Martha’s view of what is most important. While the work Martha is doing is good, Jesus emphasises that the time spent with Him is better. This reminds us that we may not always agree with others, and sometimes we need to re-evaluate our priorities. However, when we see sin or weakness in others, Rom 15:1-2, 7 encourages us to lift them up in prayer and offer support without judgment.
Second, we must accept that others will not always behave the way we want them to. Relationships within the church are built on humility and a genuine interest in the well-being of others. Phil 2:3-4 reminds us to value others above ourselves and look out for their interests. Luke 10:42 affirms Mary’s choice, saying, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Healthy relationships are based on love, respect, and individual growth—not on the expectation that others will always conform to our preferences.
Third, while it’s important to support one another, we must not expect others to care about our problems as much as we do. Gal 6:2 encourages us to bear each other’s burdens, but 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us that we can cast our anxieties on God, who cares for us deeply. Everyone in the church has their own challenges, so while mutual support is important, we must also take responsibility for our emotional and spiritual well-being, ultimately relying on God’s care. In Luke 10:41-42, Jesus acknowledges Martha’s anxiety but gently redirects her focus, showing that Mary’s choice to sit and listen to Jesus was the better one. Martha expects Jesus to respond to her frustration in the same way she feels about it, but Jesus cares more about the deeper issue—prioritising time with Him.
Finally, clear communication is crucial in all relationships. We should never expect others to know what we have not verbalised. Eph 4:29 emphasises speaking words that build others up, and in Matt 7:7, Jesus teaches us to ask, seek, and knock—illustrating the need for open and honest communication. If we want others to understand our needs or struggles, we must express them clearly, rather than assuming others can read our minds. In Luke 10:40, Martha assumes Mary should know she needs help, but this lack of communication leads to frustration and misunderstanding.
By embracing these principles—accepting differences, respecting individuality, balancing support with personal responsibility, and practicing clear communication—we can create a church community where unity thrives, and everyone is able to grow in their faith.
Be affectionately Connected to One Another
Author
kay.alli@legalview.co.uk